The email

Last week on my birthday, an ex emailed me. Not just an ex, but THE ex. The one that made me realize what love was. Long story short, we ended up in a long distance relationship which he terminated just a few months before graduation and my return home. Needless to say, I ended up not moving home, and moving to NYC instead. Probably the best thing that could have happened to me actually. Since we broke up in January of 2006, we hadn't communicated at all.

Then comes the awkward email:

I debated with myself whether or not it would be a good idea to wish you a Happy Birthday. I'm pretty sure its today; but I might be wrong. Anyways, I hope everything is going super for you and that you have a great day.
bye,
-p

I don't get it. I'm sure he was trying to be nice or something, but it kind of ruined my day a bit. I started to think about our times together, and I really couldn't remember too much. I know I was happy, but it was that hollow happiness that you know will go away because I knew he wasn't emotionally strong. I emailed him back a short email saying thank you, and now I think he probably didn't deserve that.

I do subscribe to the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy and I'm happy things turned out the way they did. I have an amazing boyfriend. I couldn't ask for a better person in my life. It took me a long time to get over that guy, but as a result I was able to appreciate a good man when I see one.

And now I'm at a better place in my life. It's almost like exes know when you are over them and they send these emails to try to make sure you don't forget. All it did was remind me of what it used to be like to date someone who wasn't man enough for me.

The problem with forgiveness

Yes Shawn, I'm now blogging about this.

So, a few weeks ago someone I knew like 10 years ago invited me as a friend on facebook. This guy was a douche and someone I can care less about. I had two options: allow him to peek into my fabulous life, or deny him the indulgence. I decided since the last I spoke to him he was an idiot, then why would I change my mind about him. Request denied. Or hidden, in the case of facebook.

So here's the problem. Some argue that I have a problem forgiving people. That is untrue. I have forgiven people when they have acknowledged wrong doing. Or, have interacted with them after the fact and realized they have changed.

If I have wronged someone, I wouldn't dare have the nerve to add them on facebook or any other place for that matter, because quite frankly I would feel guilty about the fact that I may have mistreated them in some way and never said sorry. And in other cases, I apologize when I know I was out of line.

And while my critics claim that I am unforgiving and should just get over it, I say to you, why should people be excused for their unacceptable behavior? Yes, maybe it was 10 years ago, but if that was the last time I interacted with you, my mental map displays an unpleasant view of you. Why would that have changed? Its a case of association. I associate this person with unpleasant experiences. I associate this person with an asshole. So, unless I bumped into this guy at the mall next week and realized he's turned into an amazing person. I can't see why I would change my mind.

Some people in my life has committed what I consider major transgressions. This person was an unloyal friend, and for me that is a cardinal sin because I take my friendships seriously. I'm tired of people acting as if their behaviors don't impact other people. People need to take responsibility for their behavior.

And yes, its just facebook, and yes I have the option to deny. But, its the overall principal of the matter.

And yes, I'm over it, but these kind of things always bug me about social networking.

What will they say about you?

A few weeks ago I had some problems with a girl on my team. I had worked with her previously and also had an unpleasant experience. The last straw was an email thread to the entire team including managers, where she tried to call me out. I committed a cardinal work sin by responding to the entire thread with a subtle email which anyone could read between the lines and see my frustration. This lead to my managers talking to her managers and surprisingly this girl had a squeaky clean record.

Since no one had ever said anything about her before, it was clear her manager thought it was me. My manager then posed the question to me, "What will everyone say about you?". This simple question caught me off guard. Its the kind of question that I feel everyone should be asking themselves all the time in all situations. If you thought about the impressions you leave behind, what would you want people to say about you? Clearly, not everyone will like you. I am concerned with the kind of lasting characteristics that people will respect. I want to be viewed as a person of integrity, good character, loyal, and funny.

In order to find out what people thought of me, I did the hard task of asking my co-workers to tell me honestly if they find me difficult to work with. I prepared myself for the worst, and shockingly, everyone I spoke to said no. The word "opinionated" came up a few times, but never "difficult". It was a good exercise to do to make sure people's perception of you are matching with your own. While its true, some will not tell you what they really think, I asked people who I know would be honest with me.

Aside from the work aspect, I wondered what my friends would say. I also think about those interactions I have with the people I come into contact with in my life like cashiers and food service workers. Am I leaving behind a positive footprint in my daily life? No. But, I can start to think about how I leave impressions on other people. But getting back to the question at hand...

My response to my manager was, "They will say I know my shit".

My twenties: A review

My twenties are officially over and I've accumulated a list of the ten things I learned during the last decade.

• I learned that when I apply myself I can do almost anything I want to do.


• I learned that the work it takes to accomplish a goal is worth more to me than the paper its printed on.


• I learned that making good friends is not easy to do and becomes much harder as you get older.


• I learned that I will probably never live close to some of best friends ever again, so I have to work hard to maintain those friendships.


• I learned that it is all about who you know, and personality counts.


• I learned that sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before finding the right guy, and sometimes he shows up in unexpected ways.


• I learned how to adapt to new and uncomfortable situations.


• I learned how to spend time alone.


• I learned that even if it takes a few years, your ex will always contact you when you are truly over him.


• I finally learned what the saying, "you have to love yourself before you love anyone else" means. It means that people who love themselves don't put up with other people's shit.

Hello 30's.