The epiphany

e·piph·a·ny
a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

Last night I put up my resume, and shed more tears. My eyes are bubbly from all the crying and I felt as if someone had died, that's how emotional I was. While I was sleeping, I woke up and I just knew I'm supposed to stay. I looked over my portfolio and was looking at some things I needed to fix and add. I'm also thinking I need buy some webspace again. But, I came to a realization that I am supposed to stay and work here. I will continue to put together my resume and portfolio, because it should always be ready.

Having this insight has brought me a new strength. Now that all the senior people on my team are gone, I am the only one left who can take a leadership role. My other co-worker is in India for a month, and he's worked there about 3 months longer than me, but he's not the leadership type. I realized that I have been taking on the complex projects that our senior person should have been working on but hasn't been for the last 6 months because she was out from illness and family issues. I realize that for the last few months, I've been trying to bring more awareness to our team, and that the seed planted for the presentation was completely my idea. I also realize that for the last 6 months, I have been the cheerleader for our team. Suddenly, I see the myriad of opportunity for me now that the dust has settled.

I also see that I will need to very quickly be ready to take on just about anything that comes my way in terms of projects. We are a small team now, but we work on a lot of projects. I'm going to need to be ready to take everything coming to me and the transitional elements needed to keep our team running. I think its going to be a long dark tunnel ahead, but there could be a silver lining in the end.
I feel like I'm starting to see the edges of it.