Single Mexican American Female with Glorious Tits seeks Social Nerd for Laughter and Nerdy Conversation

Today, my team had an offsite. We went to lunch at a pizza place and followed that up with three friendly games of laser tag. While at the laser tag place they surprised me with a birthday cake. How sweet. I think I finally narrowed down the kind of man I want. A social nerd. There are some guys on my team that aren't "hot" or even traditionally "attractive", but they have such awesome personalities. They are really funny, very smart, and super nice guys. They are also very interesting people. And guess what, I have fun with them. One of these social nerds, started talking about how he wanted to be a scientist who studied birds, and proceeded to do a "bird word" for the American Swallow. That's really interesting.

The social nerd is a creature of many diverse interests, but still recognizes common humor and also makes jokes himself. This guy is really fun and I feel like I'm starting to get it. I'm starting to understand what it is I need. Turns out its not the 6'2'' guy with the green eyes and dark skin. But its the smart guy who totally makes me laugh. And who cares if others don't think he's hot. He just has to be attractive to me. These men on my team are off limits of course, but I can see myself really starting to become attracted to them if I spent more time with them and they weren't off limits. I can't believe I didn't realize this before. I'm hopeful that there are more social nerds in silicon valley. Not to be confused with the socially-awkward nerd. Those guys are no fun. And the hot business school types need not apply, because those guys ultimately have too much confidence and think just cuz a sista makes a joke about sex, she's going to automatically give it up. Sorry honey, I'm saving myself for the social nerd of my dreams...

Good enough to Fuck

The co-worker IM'd me today at work. We had some boring convo about meetings, and suddenly the convo took a turn for the worst. Suddenly we were discussing sex and defining fuck buddy situations and all that shit. When I left work I was slightly upset. This guy just wants to fuck me. While this was happening on IM, I sent the log to Shawn to read, since he was online and I was telling him about it.

So while I was driving home, Shawn calls to tell me that it was partially my fault. For once in my life, I realize that Shawn is right. There was a pivotal moment in the convo when he was "testing the waters" and I allowed it to happen. Someone else would have changed the subject, but no, I've always been a tease so naturally I went down that road of indescretion. It was my fault completely that he thought he could fuck me. He pretty much almost asked me. I think I realize that the problem is that I am too normal with guys right away. Just because I say something like "how does a single girl get laid around here" doesn't mean I'm going to do you or anyone for that matter. Its a joke. I'm starting to understand why men sometimes get the wrong idea about me. Its because of me. Below is part of the convo...it got way worse than this. I didn't copy that part of the log. I'm almost embarassed to put this up, because I can see completely that it was so my fault

[16:24] cherie: i dont just do dudes randomly
[16:26] co-worker: hahah, yet you call urself a classy ho
[16:26] co-worker: and i never said random dudes
[16:26] cherie: true
[16:26] cherie: classy bitch
[16:26] co-worker: it could be someone u know as well
[16:26] cherie: that works too
[16:26] cherie: i know exactly 2 people in san jo
[16:29] co-worker: who are the 2?
[16:29] cjerie: well outside of work
[16:29] cherie: my married friends
[16:29] cherie: one boy and one girl
[16:29] co-worker: u could always get some from them?
[16:29] cherie: yeah, i dont think they are into that
[16:30] cherie: her husband is hot though
[16:30] cherie: but i dont do married people
[16:30] co-worker: yeah that'd be weird
[16:30] co-worker: ok what about someone at work...u could always proposition someone
[16:30] co-worker: hehe
[16:31] cherie: hmm
[16:31] cherie: who would that be?
[16:31] co-worker: someone in management to get ahead perhaps?
[16:31] co-worker: yup
[16:31] co-worker: [manager name]
[16:31] cherie: he's married
[16:31] co-worker: oh right
[16:31] cherie: he violates my rules
[16:32] co-worker: i think everyone in mgmt is married
[16:32] cherie: yeah i think so
[16:32] cherie: maybe a power lesbian
[16:32] cherie: i havent seen any here though
[16:33] co-worker: haha, that could work too
[16:34] co-worker: but hookin up with someone at work gets complicated
[16:34] cherie: unless u agree that's its just for hookin up
[16:35] cherie: oh really?

[16:41] co-worker: when was the last time you "hit 3rd"...?
[16:41] cherie: hmm
[16:42] cherie: well i guess that would have been in august
[16:42] co-worker: been a while for u
[16:42] cherie: i was in a long-distant type thing
[16:42] co-worker: mine was october
[16:42] cherie: so that meant every few months
[16:42] cherie: with the ex?
[16:42] co-worker: but i'm definitely chompin at the bit for some.
[16:42] co-worker: yup, the ex.
[16:42] cherie: what are you going to do about it?
[16:43] co-worker: find someone to hook up with

The Eternal Pessimist

Every morning when I log into IM, Shawn and I inevitably have a conversation regarding relationships. Sometimes he tells me about some sexploit of his. Sometimes I start off with how "I'm so over men". But it always ends with a polite disagreement on whether or not I'm being pessimistic toward the idea of finding love or being a realist. I think I'm a realist. Ever since Chris burned me, and I read He's just not that into you, I view dating very differently. As a result I view men differently. I realize now its all a huge game, and the first one that buckles wins. Men love to hunt women and I think in the past, I've ruined the chase by showing them I care too early in the game.

Everytime I meet someone new I want to size them up to see if they are the "one". I know I should just go with the flow but I don't feel like I'm a good dater. I feel like I'm more of a relationship girl. So, I decided to take Shawn's advice and take up e-dating again. I decided to go with Match.com this time because E-harmony is lame. I think I'm doing it more to get used to the idea of dating and apply all the new things I've learned since reading HJNTITY. I also think e-dating does widen the net a bit more. I go out, but I know men find me intimidating, not because I'm so beautiful (I am an attractive girl, not a model by any means), but because I appear confident and a girl who knows what she wants. Which means that there are only two types of guys who hit on me: The super confident guys and the guys who don't have anything to lose. The latter types are the ones I've been with the most. I'm viewing this as a healthy start. I don't expect to find anyone of exceptional value during this match.com experiment, I'm more worried about seeing my co-workers on there and how embarassing thats going to be.

A new attitude

I had a long talk with my dad today. And it was what I needed. My dad doesn't sugarcoat anything for me. He tells me the cold, hard truth. He told me that I should have never asked the co-worker to lunch. He also said that I shouldn't be upset that my boss irritates me, rather I should get as much knowledge from her as possible without letting her know that I have plans for her job someday. Lastly, he reminded me that my move was primarily motivated by my career. As simple as all these things are, I realize that he's right. I have a perception problem. I'm trying to make a go of my life. I'm determined to not let the fact that I have few people here bother me. I've signed up for a meetup in SF on Saturday. I'm also thinking of starting my own which would be a book club focusing on Latin American authors. As a side note, my photo was selected for inclusion for Schmap's Travel guide to Buffalo. You can see it here, with my full name credited.

It Couldn't Last Forever

Naturally after a month at my new job and in my new environment, the time would come when my high wore off and my inclination toward pessimism would set in. I don't know if I'm just starting off a shitty week or what, but I came to a few conclusions today.

1. I don't like the senior designer I work with


2. The co-worker is just not that into me


3. San Francisco kinda sucks

Let's start with number 1. My senior designer is almost like a manager and I've been working very closely with her on a few projects. It all started last week when she was 30 minutes late to a meeting and proceeded to waste everyones time while we recapped everything. On Friday, she worked from home and as the supervising designer she is responsible for reading my documents. I sent out a document to meet a deadline at 6pm on Friday night. I waited around for a bit to see if anyone had anything to say. No one did. Today, she asks me some questions about it. "Didn't you read it on Friday" I said. The project was supposed to start being built on Sunday. Her ass should have read it on Friday, like she was supposed to. Obviously she had no real good answer, because the bottom line is that she should have read it. I think I'm going to have a major problem working with her. She irritates the shit out of me. She's a nice person, but I find myself wanting to walk away whenever she wants to talk to me. The co-worker told me that the person whose role I filled left because "she didn't like her manager".

Speaking of the co-worker, I came to the conclusion that he's totally not into me. He doesn't call, text, or IM me at all. Yes, I get I've known him all of three weeks, but if he really was interested in being a friend at least, I feel like he would have made more of an effort. He's attracted to me, that part is clear. I already did my part by inviting him to lunch. So, thats the end of that. Unfortunately, he was the only person outside of my married friend that I know in San Jose.

And speaking of my married friend, I mentioned to her that it is my birthday on Saturday. To which she answered, "What are you going to do?". Nice. So, I guess thats a hint that I'm going to be spending this birthday on my own. No problem, I'm kind of used to doing things on my own. Which brings me to number 3 on the list. So, I thought I would spend the day to myself in San Francisco. Well guess what. I couldn't find shit to do. The SFMOMA looks lame. No captivating Indie flicks to choose from. No interesting theatre performances. Nothing. Fuck SF. They think they have some lively cultural scene, they suck balls compared to the cultural scene in NYC. Which brings me to my next point.

I'm wondering if I should have ever moved here. I know I'm speaking from my emotions right now and I'm not being rational at all. But, I just don't know how I'm ever going to make friends here. It just doesn't seem possible. The meetups aren't as prolific. There aren't a lot of activities for me to participate in. I just don't know what I'm going to do. I'm all alone again. I guess I really have to face my life alone. Maybe after a couple of years, I will meet some friends. I have no idea. I'm determined to not be depressed this time around. I could feel it wanting to set in.

Earned Arrogance

It's only arrogance if you're wrong.

Someone recently called me arrogant. I'm not sure that I really am, but when I was talking to a friend recently he referred to himself as having "earned arrogance". He grew up in the foothills of Lake Elsinore, the son of a White Trash family. His brother was in a Vietnamese gang, his mom and dad on and off again alcoholics and drug users. When I would drop him off at his house, there would be police helicopters hovering over his neighborhood looking for convicts. By all means of circumstance, he should have ended up knocking up some ghetto chick and working at the casino. Instead he put himself through school and is now a teacher who is planning on getting a Master's degree soon and go into administration some day. Teaching isn't my thing really, but good for him for doing his thing. He's doing what he always wanted to do. He's educated and has a steady career. So is it okay for him to be proud of his accomplishments and achievements? Yeah.

I think people have this misguided thinking that its bad to feel proud of your achievements. Its not like he's overbearing and throwing it in people's faces like an obnoxious asshole, but really he's come a long way. So, I'm not sure why people think we should all act like its no big deal, because that is denying all the effort it took to get to this place. And that's not fair.

I didn't go to Harvard, and I am the daughter of a lower-middle class family whose parents are smart but didn't really finish school. (Dad did recently though) My parents believe in perserverance and hard work, so paying for my schooling was never an option for me, even if they did have the money. I had to find my own way, and I did. And yes, I consider my life a success. And yes, I feel I have much further to go. And I will. That's the thing about success, its always over there. So, is it wrong of me to say that I'm successful? No. Absolutely not. I make no apologies for myself.

80's Night

Last night, I went with my married friend and her husband to 80's night in SF. I'm not a huge fan of 80's night in general, because I didn't really listen to that kind of music in the 80's but I figured I would just go and have fun. But what ended up happening, was that my married friends made me feel single. When they were dancing, they were dancing to each other and I became the creepy girl trying to get in on it. I don't think it was intentional, but I sort of felt like I was the extra person and I decided to just sit down and people watch for the rest of the night. Of course, this made them want to sit with me, but I insisted that I just wanted to watch and told them to go "do their thing".

I had this thought while I was sitting there, that I still can't believe I'm single. There's no reason in the world that I should be single. And yet, here I am sitting in the dark corner of the club brooding. I can't help to be slightly angry that someone as awesome as myself is still single. Worse, I've been rejected and dumped by scumbags, as if I wasn't good enough for them. While I was sitting there watching them, I'm still not sure I understand how they got together. They told me they were not physically attracted to each other at first. That they really started off as only friends. I just don't get it. She got herself a great guy. He's hot and he's really funny. I always enjoy being around them, I think he lightens her up a bit. She is definitely Charlotte. On a side note, what's up with 80's night being attended by Goth people?