Monday, December 3, 2007

It Couldn't Last Forever

Naturally after a month at my new job and in my new environment, the time would come when my high wore off and my inclination toward pessimism would set in. I don't know if I'm just starting off a shitty week or what, but I came to a few conclusions today.

  1. I don't like the senior designer I work with

  2. The co-worker is just not that into me

  3. San Francisco kinda sucks

Let's start with number 1. My senior designer is almost like a manager and I've been working very closely with her on a few projects. It all started last week when she was 30 minutes late to a meeting and proceeded to waste everyones time while we recapped everything. On Friday, she worked from home and as the supervising designer she is responsible for reading my documents. I sent out a document to meet a deadline at 6pm on Friday night. I waited around for a bit to see if anyone had anything to say. No one did. Today, she asks me some questions about it. "Didn't you read it on Friday" I said. The project was supposed to start being built on Sunday. Her ass should have read it on Friday, like she was supposed to. Obviously she had no real good answer, because the bottom line is that she should have read it. I think I'm going to have a major problem working with her. She irritates the shit out of me. She's a nice person, but I find myself wanting to walk away whenever she wants to talk to me. The co-worker told me that the person whose role I filled left because "she didn't like her manager".

Speaking of the co-worker, I came to the conclusion that he's totally not into me. He doesn't call, text, or IM me at all. Yes, I get I've known him all of three weeks, but if he really was interested in being a friend at least, I feel like he would have made more of an effort. He's attracted to me, that part is clear. I already did my part by inviting him to lunch. So, thats the end of that. Unfortunately, he was the only person outside of my married friend that I know in San Jose.

And speaking of my married friend, I mentioned to her that it is my birthday on Saturday. To which she answered, "What are you going to do?". Nice. So, I guess thats a hint that I'm going to be spending this birthday on my own. No problem, I'm kind of used to doing things on my own. Which brings me to number 3 on the list. So, I thought I would spend the day to myself in San Francisco. Well guess what. I couldn't find shit to do. The SFMOMA looks lame. No captivating Indie flicks to choose from. No interesting theatre performances. Nothing. Fuck SF. They think they have some lively cultural scene, they suck balls compared to the cultural scene in NYC. Which brings me to my next point.

I'm wondering if I should have ever moved here. I know I'm speaking from my emotions right now and I'm not being rational at all. But, I just don't know how I'm ever going to make friends here. It just doesn't seem possible. The meetups aren't as prolific. There aren't a lot of activities for me to participate in. I just don't know what I'm going to do. I'm all alone again. I guess I really have to face my life alone. Maybe after a couple of years, I will meet some friends. I have no idea. I'm determined to not be depressed this time around. I could feel it wanting to set in.


sf said...

i semi-understand what you are going through. however, i think that you need to make more of an effort to meet people. you might say that you have, but i disagree. you are way too quick to write people off because they arent beating down your door every five minutes. people live at a different pace than you, and there is nothing wrong with that.

and you dont hate sf. its a different pace that what you've spent the last year adjusting to, and now you are having difficulty acclimating.

just stay positive and things will change. for the better. and im sure that your birthday will be amazing. let me rephrase that; it will be whatever you make it. =)

cherie said...

I haven't made any effort to meet people. I have no idea how. Its a little harder to do that here, since people aren't really into meetups. That's how I met people in NYC.

And I kinda do hate SF. Its not nearly on par with NYC. That obviously has its good points, but overall it really does suck in comparison. In fact, its not even comparable.

sf said...

im sure everywhere in the world sucks in comparison to NYC. lower the bar, honey.

and i hate to say it, but i think you should give e-dating another shot. use it to make friends, and go into it this time with no expectations.

cherie said...

I knew you were going to suggest that. And yeah, everywhere does suck in comparison to NYC. I wish I made like 8 figures a year so I can move back and live the life I was meant to live.