I still love my new job. Suddenly people are listening to me. My opinion matters. I hadn't realized how many strong personalities surrounded me in New York. When I spoke, I typically got shot down by someone. In fact, my ideas were sort of filtered before they even made it to marketing. Well, not here. I am my own lead. If I have a vision, its all mine. I have autonomy to see it fleshed out. In a sea of mellow personalities, I am queen.
I've also noticed that my idea of fashion has caught the eye of my co-workers. I walked into the office yesterday wearing nylon leggings and a black lacy dress-type tunic with gray patent leather heels. All the women were unabashedly looking me up and down. I don't know if they were judging so much as they were just wondering what the hell. I admit, that I've been riskier with my fashion choices since I've left New York. I can thank the beautiful Cali weather for that, oh and having a car, so I don't have to worry about comfortable shoes and ruining heels. One of my male co-workers said to me, "You don't have to dress like that. You aren't in New York anymore." True. I think I just like the attention. I've also come to understand, that fashion is more than just clothes, its more of an expression of one's self. I used to buy shit randomly. Now, I'm very careful about the clothes I select to ensure that it embodies the person I am. I'm still defining my style, but I think this is just one more thing that comes with the journey to self understanding.
My life feels surprisingly complete. I say this as I'm sitting on the empty floor of my apartment listening to "Sorry" on my Nano. (Thanks Shawn) I'm not dating anyone and I have a single friend in San Jose. But life is good. As distraught as I was for a day in regards to that Chris situation, I think it couldn't have happened at a more perfect time. I'm so much stronger now than I've ever been. And to quote Madonna, "I've seen it all before, and I can take care of myself."