Monday, February 18, 2008

Epilogue: El Paso excursion

I'm back in Cali. I realized on this trip to El Paso, that I will probably live in Cali for the rest of my life. I just love it here, specifically the bay area. Anyhow, yesterday I saw my uncles and aunts that I haven't seen in 10 years. I also met two second cousins who were ages 5 and 9. They were adorable little girls that I could have easily taken with me back to Cali. I met another cousin who was also a very sweet girl and a freshman in high school. My dad told me the little girls wanted my email address which I thought was so cute, and such a sign of the times. I didn't even know 5 and 9 year olds had email addresses.

All in all it was a pretty decent trip. I had to listen to my dad's right-wing speeches and Hillary bashing, but other than that I was glad I went. My father's family has always treated me with respect and truly made me feel like family. They aren't doctors, engineers, or PhD's like my mom's side, but these are good hard working people who understand the value of family. My mom's side are complete jerks who have never accepted me as part of their family--for what reason I have no idea. I've suspected its because I have olive skin and black hair rather than fair skin and light brown hair. For once in my life, I was proud to carry my dad's last name even though I share it with 1 in 4 Mexicans.

This trip also made me come to some conclusions. My parents have never pressured me into having kids, though I think they are still holding out hope for me to reproduce at some point. After seeing my little cousins, I think I felt one of my ovaries stir. I've made peace with the fact that I might never have kids because I might never meet the right guy, but I'm definitely open to having them. I think part of me would love to be a mother, because lately I enjoy being around kids. I've always pictured myself more as a step mom though, because I like the idea of playing the mom one or two weekends a month and taking them to cool places and buying them stuff, and shipping those babies off with their real mom for all the day to day drama. I guess we'll see what life has in store for me.

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