Wednesday, February 6, 2008
I am starting to realize that I alone am the source of my guy problems. Its almost like my brain and my mouth don't communicate with each other. I find myself walking into situations and saying things I never meant to say or even mean. And by the way, this only happens with guys that I'm attracted to. I am finally understanding my pattern. It starts of with me getting into a conversation I shouldn't be getting into, then it turns into me trying to get out of a situation I sort of put myself into, and then it turns into me giving in to said situation and that is followed by days and weeks of agonizing over my new found status as the potential "fuck buddy" or "hookup girl". Now, in the past I've been able to graciously get out of these situations, simply because I took too long to give into anything and the guy just got tired of waiting and moved on. I'm almost 30 years old, when will I learn to shut my mouth? And why can't I just view sex as a physical thing? Why do I have to think of everything that can go wrong? Sometimes I wish I was more open to giving into my sexual gratifications. Life sure would be easier. But that would make me Shawn.