My Thanksgiving weekend went by pretty fast. I flew out on Thursday and hung out with my mom and her fiancee. On Friday, I had beer and good conversation with a friend I haven't seen in 1.5 years. Seeing him made me think about how my life could have gone either way. I could have ended up a baby mama working at the casino. We knew each other during the early part of our 20's until now. We went through our party phase together. Through the Christian phase. And through school together. So much has changed. He's a teacher now. And I'm doing well too. Good for us and all our hardwork. Sometimes I think I am where I am because of the friends I had. I've always had great friends who were down for me and willing to say something if I was going down the wrong path. They were always people I could trust. Moving on...
Saturday, I drove a uhaul through the bowels of California. The farmland where my friend claimed he saw a UFO once. No such luck for me. Just a long, boring drive. Once we got to San Jose, we dropped off the shit and went to SF for the night. We went to a gay bar in Castro which was filled with hot, sweaty-chested fags. Loved it. The next day, we went shopping and I got a new haircut. It was fun. I had been toying with the possibility of maybe moving to the SF area but I just can't see a single-straight girl getting laid there. Its a gay city. I would only want to live there if I had a mate already. I can't handle competing for men against men. Its not a fair fight.
Speaking of men, my friend told me that I need a rich man. To this I said, "But, I don't necessarily want a rich man." And he replied, "Yeah, but its what you need." So, I realize now that I'm that girl. I'm the girl who has only wanted a normal guy to make me laugh and stimulate my mind and gratify all my sexual pleasures. But, somehow I'm just the perfect mix of girl that requires more. Why? Because I'm strong-willed? I make okay money? I have a career? I don't need anyone to look after me. Yet, I secretly know that what he says is true. Most men want someone to look after. Only guys who are more established than I am will have the means to feel like they are looking after me. Sometimes when I see certain girls. I wonder what its like to be like them. To be the kind of girl that isn't threatening or intimidating. I'll never know.
1 comment:
well, if nothing else, i definitely appreciate your humility. that will help you find a man faster than anything else.
and im glad you have finally acknowledged that you are in competition with gay men. even for the straight boys honey. thats just how it is. sorry.
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