Red Lightbulb Paranoia

Many people laugh at my extreme paranoia. I want to take shooting lessons and sleep with a rifle at the foot of the bed. That's too extreme they said. Fine, I'm going to get a taser then. So until I get one, I sleep with a screwdriver at the edge of my mattress. Seriously. I'll stab a fool if he gets in my room. Anyhow, I noticed that last week one of the light bulbs in my porch light was red. It was slightly odd, but I guess I just thought it was some light burning out or something. Well two days ago, all the lights were red. Someone replaced all my light bulbs with red ones. I called my maintence man today to ask him about it and he said, "Someone replaced them. I have no explanation for that, except maybe someone being festive or something." Festive?! Take your fucking festive and give me back my light bulbs! I findthe whole situation creepy as hell. People think I'm crazy huh? This shit only happens to me. I'm going to buy a taser this weekend.