Work sucks and the neverending emails.

Wow did today suck. I guess it was about time the honeymoon with my job came to an abrupt end. I'm one week shy of my 3 month anniversary. I signed a document when I was hired that stated I had to return my hire-on bonus if I quit before a year. During today's meeting, I was wondering if they meant before or after taxes, because suddenly quitting seemed like a good idea. My position is a politically charged one. Everyone thinks they can do my job, and for years, these people did. But, they didn't do a very good one, which is why they hired experts like me. So long story short, I had to stop off at Trader Joe's and grab a bottle of red wine--Sebastiani's Cabernet. To top it off, I'm pretty sure I have a sleeping disorder because last night I barely slept at all and no matter how much or how little sleep I get, its never enough. No more work talk--its ruining my red wine buzz.

So, I briefly mentioned a few posts back that I'm "talks" with a 40 year old. Well, we've been emailing each other for what seems like weeks now. We exchanged phone numbers during these exchanges, and yet no phone calls. I have a rule--never call a man. But his excuse for not calling me is "writing allows for a deeper communication". Is it just me or is that the lamest fucking thing ever. The truth is I can careless if this guys calls me or not, and I told him that via email, of course. But don't give me some lame excuse about why not. And don't tell me emails are expressive, because phone convos are just as expressive, especially since you can literally hear expressions in people's tone. It takes me like 15 minutes to respond to his emails because they are extra long. I haven't necessarily lost interest yet, but I'm about 1 email away from just dismissing this guy altogether. Am I overreacting? Maybe I'm just super impatient, but lets get to the point already. Everyone has their weird quirks and I don't know, I just don't feel with dealing it with it. Maybe I'm just getting old.

Do your thing

Sometimes that song comes on your iPod that sparks a memory from another time. That song for me was "Just like Heaven" by The Cure. Hearing that song always reminds me of Peter. It also reminds me of the time I thought I had my life all mapped out. I would go to Buffalo, get my MLS, go back to Southern California and work happily as a librarian and maybe start a family with Peter. Seriously, that was my plan. What I didn't count on was how much I hated library stuff and realized very quickly that a career as a librarian would not make me happy. Almost immediately my life started to crumble. I traveled 3,000 miles to get a degree in a profession I didn't even want to do. And for months I was unhappy. I asked my mom for advice and all she kept saying was "get your shit together". That wasn't really advice at all, but she was telling me was to make it happen, whatever it is I needed to make happen. And I did. I sought a new career path that I know would make me happy and along the way lost a relationship.

Flash forward one year from then. Stuck in NYC, I questioned whether or not I had chosen the right career. I wasn't happy at my job. I didn't like the people, I didn't really like New York, I was getting way underpaid in a city which is super expensive. It wasn't a happy time. I was assigned a mentor at my job, and when I told him about my severe unhappiness, he said to me "you got to find your thing". And for months later, he would bump into me in the hall and ask me "did you find your thing yet?"

It seems there are a few people in my life who are struggling to find "their thing". I know what its like to be lost. I was lost most of my life, and I'm sure at some point in the future, things will shift course again and I will have to re-evaluate some decisions and choices to keep going in the right direction. My advice to those struggling is to never stop looking. Be open to new opportunities and don't dwell on mistakes. Take stock of how to do things differently and don't do it again.

I realize now that without all the mistakes and struggles and bad decisions I've made in my life, I wouldn't be the person I am. It's those road blocks in life that build character. I'm happier then I've been in a long time. Finally, I found my thing.

Nothing in particular

So there's a re-org going on at my company right now. It's not a scary one luckily. I won't have to worry about my job or anything like that. Though I've decided to observe a shopping hiatus. I know I'm fortunate enough to have a job now, but I feel like I'm in a fairly volatile industry in an area that is very much impacted if there is another bubble burst. Though many around here say there won't be another burst. As a side note, I find out this week if I'll be traveling to Mexico City next month to observe testing. Moving on...

I've been in talks with a 40 year old from Match. In his first email he said, "I decided to email you, something I rarely do, because you are my type." I have to admit I like the idea of someone saying that to me. Its very bold and very to the point. As a result, we've been emailing for 2 weeks and I haven't lost interest. He speaks 6 languages, lived in Europe, was a fulbright scholar, works in television, owns several properties, and is quite interesting in fact. He has good taste in television and movies. I have no idea where this could go, I've never quite entertained the idea of taking someone 11 years my senior as a possible companion. But, I'm open to finding out.

I've been successful at keeping my resolutions so far. I decided to take the advice of those Martha Stewart Blueprint people and turn something I found at the goodwill into a jewelry storage thingy. I spray painted it that copper color and added that paper on the inside. I think I need to add some cork to the left side, so that middle area isn't so filled with stuff. Its been fun having a new hobby.

Single and Fabulous?

No not really. I like to rally for the single ladies, but really I'm just a sappy girl who does care about what people think, particularly men. So, I know it was a really bad idea to hookup with the co-worker, and this week I think I can see that he doesn't give me that same intensity that I once felt from him. To top it off, we had a meeting in which all of us had to attend, and there he was sitting next to some attractive, skinny bitch. Yeah, she's probably married, but its just the idea. Maybe he got what he wanted from me, like Shawn said, but I don't think making out and sucking on my nips qualifies as getting anything. We barely rounded first base. So yeah, it turns out I'm just a sad little girl who likes attention. Now that he's not giving it to me, I'm feeling a little dejected. So I'm going to chalk this up to a tiny step forward. Its not a full failure, I had a moment of weakness and now I'm moving forward, no harm, no foul. But, I guess I realized I'm not as tough as I had hoped.

A weekend in San Fran

On Friday I agreed to go with one of my new co-workers into SF this weekend to explore. She has a friend living in the city and we ended up meeting up with her and spending two nights with her. We went to Vesuvio, a place visited by Jack Kerouac, and barhopping in the Mission on Saturday, and on Sunday we drove down to Sonoma to go wine tasting at Sebastiani's and Ravenswood wineries. Today we went apartment hunting with my co-worker and ate at a local taqueria in Potrero Hill. It was really random and kind of spontaneous and a lot of fun. You get to know people pretty well when you spend that much time with them especially when you just met them on Friday at work. It was a nice weekend, but I still don't care for San Fran that much. I'm waiting for the day I fall in love with it, because I used to like it a lot. Aside from my awesome weekend, I found out my first item sold on eBay sold for $91. Yay!

The Hookup

I woke up this morning at 8:40 am to the aroma of chardonnay from the two empty glasses sitting on my night stand. Yup, I totally hooked up with the co-worker last night. We only made out and didn't really make it past 2nd base, but the evidence was very faintly on my neck--a hickey reminding me of last night's rendezvous. So before I detail what happened, I will first say this, we do not directly work in the same business unit and he works in a very small and confining unit of people that deal with financial things. Which means he has absolutely no influence over me or anything related to me. In fact, we rarely see each other at work anymore since they frosted the conference room windows. Now the hookup...

He confessed to me that he's only been with three girls in his whole life, which I'm willing to believe after last night. He was extremely aggressive. I should have guessed, he did go to business school and all those MBA's are aggressive. He was a rough kisser and at times rammed his tongue down my throat. I had to ask him to tone it down a couple of times. (which he didn't) He then went on to grab my boobies and bite my nips. That was slightly painful and today they are still slightly sore. Basically I felt like I was with someone who didn't know how to control himself. He was really riled up and just all over the place. At one point, he said to me, "If I had brought a condom do you think we'd be having sex right now?" To which I responded, "Probably not, I have condoms". He obviously wants to have sex at some point and quite frankly I don't know if that will happen. If he's like this just making out, I'm guessing sex with him is like getting stabbed in the cooch multiple times. I'm not really into that. He needs a lot of work in being a good lover and his little 23 year old ex girlfriend didn't know shit about sex, because at that age you don't even know what your body is capable of.

Yeah, we'll see what happens, right now Im thinking sex is a giant no. I know you don't believe me, but I'm mainly interested in making out. I can probably get him 2 more times before he loses interest. That's the life a single girl.

How does the single girl get laid?

After a very intriguing conversation about being single on Shawn's blog, it prompted me to really start thinking about my single girl status. I can proudly claim that I am happy to be single. Because let's face it, I've never been happy in a relationship. Even when I was happy, I wasn't. So now I will live my single life to fullest happily showing those married people and committed people how great life can be without attachment. So that part is easy. Now the hard part...

Sex. How the hell does a single girl get her groove on and not be a ho? I know my blog is a bit of a misnomer, because I've never been a ho in my life. After the age of 18, sex was primarily within the boundaries of relationships or "serious" dating. I'm totally fine with being a make out slut. I've always viewed myself as the "everything but" girl. The only problem is that the "making out only" strategy hasn't really worked for me past the age of 16. I can't really do the fuckbuddy thing, because I did a great job of documenting the problems with that. I can't do a one night stand, because that's just gross. I'm the odd girl that likes to know the people I sex up. So, at this point I'm at a loss of how I'm supposed to get my jollies. And don't even recommend a dildo or vibrator, because honey let's just say I'm well acquainted, and even that's starting to look like a relationship--its like fucking the same guy over and over. I knew being single was too good to be true.

A perfect date...with Anna

So, today I met someone off match for coffee. I definitely see it as more of a friendship thing, because I wasn't really physically attracted to him and quite frankly he seemed to lack the passion or spark I tend to look for in a mate. The Vin Diesel guy is shaping up to be a douche, and the Brit is MIA.

I did have the perfect date however. Last night, I hung out with Anna, a girl I met on a flight from SJ to SD. We met for dinner and wine and she was awesome. We talked about penis size and vibrators, and honey you know that's right down my alley. She's real cool and I'm glad that we met fortuitously because I can definitely see her being part of my single ladies and fags crew. In fact, I've already recruited her. It turns out she might be my travel buddy too when I go to Prague this year. We've already made plans to go shopping in the city because she knows where all the cool boutiques are. I made a new friend and I'm infatuated. But not in the lesbian way, so get your minds out of the gutter.

Living for the bang

"From the moment I saw you, I wanted to bang you." These were the words from my co-workers IM last night. I think thats going in the scrap book of seduction. Right between "Are those real" and "We have 20 minutes". His words also bring to light that the only reason he invited me out with his friends was to get close enough to have a chance. You can't bang someone you've never talked to before. It feels like men live for the bang. They devise elaborate plans and ruses to trap their victim in clever ways. What the hell? Is it that serious?

The woes of dating

Let me start off by stating that I lost a total of 4 inches. Sounds like a lot, but I have like 4 more to go...

So apparently my dating woes are old hat for some of you (Shawn). But, I'm just going to reiterate on the fact that dating is horrible. I can honestly say I've never really dated before, so this is all new for me. Its horrible. It seems men make the decision on whether you will be ripe for the fucking or keep you as a potential mate. When did this happen? I was under the impression women made those decisions.

It seems lately I've encountered more and more men who have put me in the fuck pile without even really getting to know me. As a result, I'm forced to choose between a no-strings fuck or nothing at all. Choice seems clear right? Wrong. I don't know what's come over me, but I'm super horny lately. I think it has everything to do with the fact that I'm not on the pill anymore. Since I moved to San Jose, I can literally picture myself doing the naughtiest things with the most unsuspecting strangers. The guy shopping for Pine Sol at Target, one of my managers talking about timelines during a meeting, the guy at the gym sweating on his SJSU sweatshirt. It's ridiculous. Its completely out of hand, and the old tricks aren't working anymore.

Keep in mind, I've never had a one-night stand. I went on a date last night with the personal trainer guy that i've been sort of playing text tag with for the last few weeks. He was hot. When I say hot, I mean like real fucking hot. He looked like Vin Diesel but with blue eyes. He had a perfect smile. Our conversation went okay. He talked mostly about how he hit rock bottom when he turned a certain age and how he's looking for a girlfriend to love and respect. I didn't get the feeling he was bullshitting, but all I could think about is, "Well even if he's not interested, I might just fuck him."

I don't even recognize myself anymore. I have the co-worker thinking I'm a slut, I have the Brit saying I'm chaste. Who am I? Well it turns out that I might be Shawn. The more I realize all this shit about dating, the more I understand his jaded perspective and willingness to settle for physical attention. I totally get it now. Now I finally see what he sees, and the view isn't so good from here.

Where my single ladies and fags at?

Okay Match.com where's my motherfuckin' husband? You have made promises, you can't keep. So far your site has excelled in trying to get me laid though. But, if that was what I wanted, I would have signed up on onenightstand.com, if such a site existed--or even herpes.com. That being said, I'm forced to reconsider the types of men I think I should date, so I'm expanding into the past-35 market. I never thought I'd be venturing into the unknown zone of people born in the 60's, but it turns out that I might have to. Unfortunately for me I'm the perfect concoction of what men don't want. So, now I'm dating on the fringes of 40.

Now, I'm the first one in line to defend my singledom. I came to the conclusion recently that the reason I'm not enjoying it so much lately is because I dont have my crew of single ladies and fags to surround myself with. My new mission is to recruit some single ladies (below the age of 40) and some fags to run with. Since I've finally accepted the fact that I am not emotionally available for the right kind of guys, and I'm attracted to the wrong types of guys, I will be single for awhile so I might as well reap the benefits of being single. So, if you are a single fag in need of a hag, or a single girl who likes to have fun and you are in the bay area, give me a shout.

Boys, boys, boys

So it turns out the boys on Match.com are just as scumbaggy as the boys I meet anywhere. Never heard from the Brit again, and after some probing with my straight guy friends, they unanimously agree that he was out for ass and when I didn't give it, he lost interest. That's fine, I had difficulty being attracted to him anyway.

For the last few weeks, I was playing email tag with another guy on match. He kept wanting me to text him and call him, and I just stopped communicating with him. Yesterday, he caught me online, and IM'd me asking if I had lost interest. He then told me to email him to hang out today. So, I did. Apparently he has a side business as a personal trainer, and when I emailed him, he subscribed me to his monthly newsletter, without my permission I might add.
After some texting back and forth, he tells me to come over and watch a movie with him (free popcorn lol!). I politely text him and let him know I won't be meeting him anywhere outside of a public place. He then said, "okay honey, have a good nite. xo"

Sorry sweetie, but I don't feel like being raped tonight. I knew he was gonna be a scumbag, all those fitness types are.

Ringing in the New Year: San Jose style

This girl I met at the airport recently called me earlier this week to see if I wanted to go with her and her friends to the Improv for New Year;s eve with Charlie Murphy (Eddie Murphy's brother). The evening started at a local bar where I had a pomegranite mojito and a beer. At the venue, we were given free champagne, which I took full advantage of. After about my 5th glass of champagne, Charlie Murphy came on stage and I started to feel sick. I went to the restroom and threw up twice. I then went back to my seat grabbed my jacket and stumbled to my car without telling the group I was leaving (too drunk to care). I drove five blocks to my house, parked in a red zone and disrobed as soon as I got into my house. I threw up some more and when I hit the bed, the clock said 12:03. I missed Charlie Murphy's act and the ringing of the new year. I can tell 2008 will be a great year.

So, here are my resolutions this year:

1. No more drinking and driving!-I've taken too many risks lately. Asking a cop for directions while drunk should have been the tipping point.


2. Pick up two new craft hobbies and stick to them. (decoupage and sewing)


3. Get to my goal weight by May. (still in progress)


4. Make my bed every morning.


5. Start or join a Latin Lit book club.


6. Listen more and talk less. (this blog doesn not apply)
   
   

How often do people actually stick to their resolutions? Anyone want to share theirs?