Tuesday, January 15, 2008

How does the single girl get laid?

After a very intriguing conversation about being single on Shawn's blog, it prompted me to really start thinking about my single girl status. I can proudly claim that I am happy to be single. Because let's face it, I've never been happy in a relationship. Even when I was happy, I wasn't. So now I will live my single life to fullest happily showing those married people and committed people how great life can be without attachment. So that part is easy. Now the hard part...



Sex. How the hell does a single girl get her groove on and not be a ho? I know my blog is a bit of a misnomer, because I've never been a ho in my life. After the age of 18, sex was primarily within the boundaries of relationships or "serious" dating. I'm totally fine with being a make out slut. I've always viewed myself as the "everything but" girl. The only problem is that the "making out only" strategy hasn't really worked for me past the age of 16. I can't really do the fuckbuddy thing, because I did a great job of documenting the problems with that. I can't do a one night stand, because that's just gross. I'm the odd girl that likes to know the people I sex up. So, at this point I'm at a loss of how I'm supposed to get my jollies. And don't even recommend a dildo or vibrator, because honey let's just say I'm well acquainted, and even that's starting to look like a relationship--its like fucking the same guy over and over. I knew being single was too good to be true.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

well, my first suggestion would be to find some really good porn. but even that gets old after a while. honestly, i have learned that sex is not all its cracked up to be. and trust me, I WOULD KNOW. at the end of the day, i have come to learn that staying true to your values beats getting laid any day of the week. restraint has got you pretty far and you can sleep well at night as a result. i think you are on the right path in every way possible. now come the challenges. overcome them and something amazing lies beyond the horizon. of that much i am sure.

cherie said...

Its true that sex is majorly overrated in many respects-especially with strangers. A girl has needs and I occasionally crave the physical touch of another person. It doesn't have to be sex, it can be other stuff, but I do need that once in awhile. I'm not made of steel. I guess I just need to know what my boundaries are and not pass those. I'm fine with having a "make out" buddy. But, guys aren't going to stick around for just that. I think about 3 times with no sex is definitely a strike out, the exact opposite of a home run, which is what they want after 3 tries.

Anonymous said...

never give guys what they wont. then they wont come back.

Kold_Kadavr_flatliner said...

Egad! Puh-leeze don't do this! Wait, please, till you're in Heaven and then you can make love with me for as long as you wanna, girl. I'll be your faithfull servant if only you'd wait till you're married for life OR achieved Heaven (same thing: you can love anyone anywhere at anytime in Heaven) --- Lemme giveth thee a scenario of how I want my eternity to go: I guess the best way to do this is to say I-love-you for eternity, yet, that STILL doesn’t even come close to expressing my love for you: my love is so #@!! extraordinarily-extraordinary, I cannot show it to you on earth. That takes forever. How can you do the tip of an iceberg to what I wanna become?? I cannot. We need Heaven, silly. Just imagine: holding you in my arms as we watch Heaven's best fireworks? or boarding a 100X100 mile roller-coaster? or some delicious-N-nutritious, blackberry tofu in copious amounts is what I as your servant will serve you in my skivvies? or we'll have a BIG-ol, woohoo!, party-hardy for eons and eons fulla anything and everything and more. Besides being the most gorgeous thang God ever made, wanna lemme feed you baklava and a whole-lot-better-than-Starbucks ice cream and those teeny, canned oranges for the length of eternity? Wanna swim nude in the ocean as shallow as four feet and then take a shower? Wanna be one with me for THREE, WHOLE, MONTHS or more? Wanna be an adorable 17 forever, me a dashing 21? Wanna love so deep and wide, passionate and warm the universe cannot hold our? Wanna lemme be a part of you till even Heaven crashes around us? Wanna lemme snuggle with you, to love you and gratify your wonderful, beautiful, adorable feet? Wanna lemme prove to you I love you more-than-you-know, from head2toe, bodyNsoul, to give you pleasure-beyond-measure? Meet me in Heaven, girly, and I'll do alla that and more for you for the length and breadth of eternity --- How awesome it shall be to love you in person, to be with you, to hold you in my arms and give you a backrub in the Great Beyond; to kiss your adorable body and nuzzle with you, would make my eternity. God bless you. PS The blog, ‘closenmyeyes’, is how I wish to love you and gratify you in Heaven. Meet me in Heaven, girl.